I thought I was healed. Unfortunately, I still have work to do. I wake up to flashbacks. Night sweats. Of the days he took it upon himself to enter me, without my permission. My heart is racing. My head is pounding. I need to feel something. Anything. These are the times I need the back Sir’s hands across my face the most. I need to feel his teeth, grazing across my back. His leather belt across my thighs. I need to feel something other than sorrow. I’m addicted to this dopamine. Sir grips my mouth and commands me to open wide. Feeding me his spit. Forcing me to shallow. This anxiety got me multi-orgasm. He pounds my frustrations away, with his deep and shallow strokes. Slapping me back to reality. I need this distraction. I scream, bite, hit, scratch… Releasing the tension, codependency and anxiety from my womb space, so that I may have more room for love and security.