Lost in Subspace

We made a left turn. Then a right. After that, we kept straight for about a mile and a half. I tried to calculate our approximate location, but eventually gave up. I was too busy drifting in and out of consciouness. I’m sure by this time we had probably been driving for about an hour, and crossed the state line. Somehow I managed to lose my hiking group, thinking I’d catch up, after backtracking to find the house keys I dropped somewhere in the foliage. I couldn’t figure out which trail I was on, but I knew it was about 30 mins before sunset, and I wasn’t about to be stuck in the middle of the woods without a flashlight, protection or food. From the distance, I could see the sunlight peaking in through the trees and the sight of the cars passing by. So I decided I’d at least walk along the side of the road. I found a bench by the stoplight at the intersection, and proceeded to sit down and rest my feet. Opened my internet browser and scheduled an Uber to come take me home. Suddenly, my phone sends an alert and vibrates.

**In route. 2 mins away.**

A black Honda Civic pulls up, and the driver slowly rolls down her window. “Did you call for an Uber?” she asks. “Yes”, I answered. I opened the back door and hopped in. We went two blocks, before making an abrupt stop. Next thing happens, a tall gentlemen dressed in all black, baseball cap and sunglasses opens the back door and jumps in with me. The automatic door lock goes off, and I’m suddenly met with a gun to the side of my chest. We ride to an alley.

“Here’s what’s going to happen”, the man says to me. “You’re going to get out, and stand next to the car. If you try to run, I will take this gun that’s in your chest and I will shoot it. And I’m a good shot. Do you understand?”

“Yes”, I answered

“You need to get into the habit of calling me Sir. From now on, you will address me as such. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Sir”

“Get out”

I turn to my right. Immediately afterwards, the driver unlocks the car. I pull the handle, open the door, and place my right foot on the ground. Followed my by left.

“Kneel”, Sir demands

I obey

He orders me to stretch my hands out in front of me. And then he proceeds to zip tie them together. He takes a burlap sack from his back pocket, and puts it over my head.

“Get up”, he orders

Without warning, I am thrown into the trunk of the car.

“It would be very stupid of you to try to get out of this”, Sir says as he slams the door shut. 

I hit my head pretty hard on the way in. Shaking me up. I tried hard to stay alert. They always say never let a kidnapper take you to a second location. Right now, my heart is racing and I’m trying not to tell myself that I’m probably going to die today. I tried to calculated our approximate location, but eventually gave up. I was too busy drifting in and out of consciousness….

We pull into what sounds like a driveway, by the sound of gravel I can hear echoing to the trunk. I hear the passenger door open and shut. Then footsteps. The trunk opens and Sir grabs me by the waist and throws me over his shoulder. 

He walks up a flight of stairs, and then opens a squeaking door. I heard the screen door shut behind me, as the open hinges clap against each other. And Sir rolls me off his back, kicking me into the back of the knee. Forcing me to my knees. With the burlap sack til over my head, I try to make out where I may be, using my senses of hearing and smell. The stench of mold and mildew fills the room. A slow and steady drip of water from the ceiling, splashes into a tin bucket underneath. 

I feel Sir’s warm breath on my back, as his right hand grips the front of my neck, while his left hand reaches into my shirt and begans to caress my right breast. He then removes the sack from my head. By now, I can feel his hard dick on my back. Not before long, I find him standing in front of me, waiting to be serviced. He grabs my hair and manipulates it into a ponytail, as he proceeded to shove his hard 9 inch dick down my throat. I gag, then regain control of my reflexes as I continued to suck his dick and play with my now wet pussy.

“You my bitch?…..huh?”

“Yes Sir”, I said in between breaths

Suddenly, his right arm came crashing down with a hard open handed smack to the face. 

“How are you feeling right now?” Sir asks, as he interrupts the scene to do a quick check-in.

“I’m fine baby. You’re doing good”

This is one of the many fetish role plays Sir A.J and I engage in. At age 26, I had finally made the decision to explore my sexuality with other partners. I never knew that I’d soon find myself in a room with a stranger, beaten and forced to give oral. I blamed myself. And looked at the experience as punishment for being sexually expressive. Somehow, the guilt and pain from the experience became arousing. And what would come of that was a never ending cycle of me placing myself into compromising and dangerous sexual situations. 

Somehow….some way, I made my way over to the BDSM community, and found my Dom shortly after.

**Reclaiming Power**

I wanted to recreate the role of being submissive, but in an environment where I remained safe and in control of what does and does not happen. I find these types of relationship dynamics to be therapeutic, because they require a vast amount of communication and trust. Some people would call this approach re-traumatising, but my intention to go back and rewrite my script. To understand that what happened in the past was not my fault. In fact, they unlooked parts within me that I can now share with the world, and be a inspiration to someone else.


2 thoughts on “Lost in Subspace

  1. This was beautiful. I am proud of you for reclaiming your own sexuality and finding an immense amount of pleasure even through your trauma. This was erotic, touching, inspiring and just overall a magnificent and very informative piece. I look forward to reading more from you!


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